Does 1+1=2 or 1: Singleness

Genesis 2:18 & 21-24, “18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him….21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 23 And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

            Marriage was ordained in the Garden of Eden. It was ordained before the fall. You don’t just jump into marriage, there is a process that we all take. The goal is just not to be married; the goal is to become one flesh. Becoming one flesh is removing the things that don’t need to be there so that you can fit with the person God has called you to be with. The process of getting ready does not start when you get married though, it is a process that starts when you are single. I want to ask you three questions: if you are single, are you ready to become one flesh; if you are in a relationship, are you becoming one flesh; and if you are married, are you one flesh or are you still two people?

            You should use these three questions as a measuring stick of where you are. If you are single and do not feel like you are ready to become one flesh, then there is no need to get into a relationship. If you are in a relationship and you do not feel like you are becoming one flesh, then there are some changes that need to be made. If you are married and you are not one flesh, then there are some tough conversations that need to happen.

            If you are single, are you ready to become one flesh? There are some church circles where singleness is a sin. If you are not in a relationship, you are seen as damaged goods. I am married now, but I have been single for 27 years. If you are in an unhealthy environment, we sometimes turn that singleness into another reason why we are damaged goods.

1 Corinthians 7:6-9, “6 …. But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. 7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. 8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

            He calls singleness a gift from God. Being single is not a curse or a sign of being damaged goods. It is a gift from God. God only gives us good gifts. The apostle Paul was single all his life. Was he damaged goods? Was there anything wrong with him? Your singleness is a gift from God because that is the only time in your life where it will be just you and God. When you begin to understand that singleness is a gift, desperation will disappear. You will no longer start hopping into any relationship that comes your way. God gave Adam direction and purpose when he was single.

Genesis 2:15-17, “15 Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it. 16 And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, “Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat; 17 but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”      

            He was single! The woman was not around. I am not saying that God will only show you your future when you are single; a lot of couples meet when they are young, and God will give them direction and purpose. There was a reason why God did not create the Woman at the same time with the man. There is a reason why God gave man vision and purpose, before creating the woman. I believe the reason is God was giving us a template for personal growth. The template is: be in His presence –Eden; know your calling; and start doing what God has called you to do. In the middle of following that template, the Lord will bring a helper to you.

            If you are single, I want you to know that nothing is wrong with you. Some of us are single because we are afraid that our hearts will be broken again so we hide. Some of us are single because we think we are not good enough to be in a relationship. Some of us are single because we are hiding behind our list. Whatever your reason to be single is, it is okay. All I ask you to do is stay in God’s presence and let Him lead you. Let Him heal your heart. Let Him soften your heart. Let Him love on you. If singleness is what God has planned for you, then great. Don’t be ashamed, own it.